A Most Sensuous Star Spangled Banner

The Greatest Rendition of Our Anthem Ever To Be Heard!

Ah yes, R&B singer Robin Thicke, the troubadour behind last summer’s triumph “Blurred Lines,” may indeed believe he has a phallus that exceeds expectations, however, his art shall never exceed the greatest of all R&B maestros, Marvin Gaye, from whom, shall we say, he heavily borrowed his latest tune.  Begging your pardon, Mr. Thicke, but did you really think we wouldn’t notice that the similarities between your tune and Mr. Gaye’s “Got to Give it Up” is more than a wee bit inspired? Honestly, it’s just as ridiculous as those models who simply cannot dance in your video.  Perhaps you thought we wouldn’t notice anything aside from their bare breasts?

What’s that, Mr. Thicke?  Greatest of all R&B maestros, you ask?  Most emphatically yes.  Without any hesitation.  You question why?  Let us dispense with the tomfoolery, Mr. Thicke.  Mr. Gaye brings it.  Each and every time.  For chuckles, let us choose a rather common tune: The Star Spangled Banner.  In an age where our country’s anthem is horribly violated and deliberately debauched in front of sport-loving citizens several times a week, one man alone took center stage and, with a drum machine and a very dapper pair of aviators, stole the show at the 1983 NBA All-Star Game. Isiah Thomas, Dr. J, Magic, Kareem-Abdul Jabbar, Larry Bird: no one cared.

So, yes, Mr. Thicke, and you dear readers, prepare yourselves for that which is soulfully smooth, and come listen to the bard perform the most riveting rendition of the “Star Spangled Banner” ever to be heard!