The Treadmill Desk: A Great and Wondrous Truth
Truth be told, such a machine is just not a good idea, and not because this is an idiotic invention. All ridiculous multitasking notions aside, walking leaves us depleted and, in effect, diminishes the efficiency with which we engage in those other things of great import: the Twitter, the Facebook, Pinterest, Snapchat, Instagram, and whichever social content platform is currently considered trending. Quite simply, if we exercise, our sharing productivity will proportionally decrease.
We simply cannot deprive the world of our quarter-hourly updates, our astutely clever witticisms, our busty bathroom selfies, and our laughing-out-loud cat videos. We must like and share and comment, which we cannot do deprived of stamina. We have exactly 697 friends (and counting!) of whom we must remain apprised. We absolutely must know what Grumpy Cat is saying today and be prepared for that instant when our former lover changes his relationship status, which we must then share to our 303 closest besties for consultation before we turn to Google and then stalk his new partner’s social media, upon which we then text out despairing messages of hopelessness to our contacts, and then spend countless days searching for inspirational memes and posting them on Facebook, hitting refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh to count the likes (please god, let it be over 30…), without ever once thinking that perhaps one wouldn’t be an ex if one had spent a bit more energy walking off the pounds one accumulated fat-assing it in front of a device all day.